I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
