I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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