Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
