Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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