i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
