took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
