I skipped work to stalk him.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize