I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Small penises have feelings too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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