Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
