i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
