Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
