Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
