Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
