Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize