Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
