Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
