You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
its not stalking. its research.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never joke about your clitoris.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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