it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
