Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
