Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
