Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
