watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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