Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
