Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
