See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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