it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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