i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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