i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
