so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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