I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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