Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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