u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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