Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
