Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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