You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
