They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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