According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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