I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
