erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
