apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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