these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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