So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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