my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
