i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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