guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
