Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
