if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
