She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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