he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
