if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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