elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize