A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
