I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
