i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
