I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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