can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
