I seem to have left my pride at pride
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
