The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My breasts were aching with rage.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
