I just gift wrapped bread.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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