nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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