I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So squirting runs in the family.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
