every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
