She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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