Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
