My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He kissed a someone with a penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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