I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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