we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
