He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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