Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
