So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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