Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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