It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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