she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
