i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
