lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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