thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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