The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
