this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
