Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
